Big Trouble in Little Akuma

Big Trouble in Little Akuma

Part I

“Ya know, maybe the Kimiko bitch ain’t as much of a raging cunt as I thought she was.”

The steam made it a little hard to tell, but with his arms behind his head and his eyes closed, Bacchae probably looked incredibly content. It was hard not to be, when bathing at the classiest bathhouse in Akuma-cho. The water was full of herbal gunk of some sort, and the air was moist and cloudy. He leaned back on the marble tile, and sighed.

“I’m just worried she’s gonna pull the cameras out.”

Jack was a little less content, as this was an Akuma-style bathhouse—no shit—meaning they were a little less clothed than Jack might have preferred. Of course, he would have been fine with it if everybody present was following the rules.

“It’s a peace offering, idiot,” Kei’s arms were crossed over her chest, but otherwise, she looked unbothered. “Why would she want blackmail? She already got what she wanted.”

“You can always use blackmail,” Jack insisted. “And shouldn’t you be in the ladies bath?”

“She gave us the whole place. Nobody’s gonna walk in. And who the hell wants to go to the baths all by themselves?”

“Relax, Jack,” Bacchae chuckled. “It’s not like her tits are gonna bite ya.”

“Or are you upset you didn’t get alone time?” Kei mock pouted.

Jack’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, he won’t sword fight me when he’s showing off for some whore.”

“I honestly can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“Of fucking course I am, you barmy nit,” he growled.

“Aw man, really?” Bacchae looked genuinely disappointed. “And here I was, all set to start sharpening, but now I’m just sittin’ here with my dick in my hand!”

“You really don’t need to illustrate.”

“Put that thing away, mate.”

Aside from the usual squabbles, however, all three found themselves thinking how much they deserved a day like this. Kei was secretly patting herself on the back for hinting to Kimiko that Bacchae was a simple creature who could very easily be bought. When she had offered the private use of her finest bathhouse for the afternoon, he of course had been caught hook, line, and sinker.

He’d been a little disappointed that it wasn’t the kind with hookers, but Kimiko couldn’t very well offer one of those to him with Kei literally right there. It was bro code or something similar. Sis code. No, that sounds really fucking stupid. Regardless, it would have violated some rule of friendship, so Bacchae would have to make due.

With Kei having snuck into the men’s bath, it wasn’t as if he was missing much, anyway.

“Hey, what’s that shit in the water?” Bacchae asked. “Think I could smoke it?”

“You could try, but I sincerely doubt it’d do anything except season your insides,” Kei rolled her eyes.

“Could be novel,” he seemed to seriously consider it. “Usually I’m the one doing the spit-roastin—”

“Shh!” Jack interrupted suddenly, putting a hand up. Bacchae made to retort, but promptly shut up when he saw the look on Jack’s face. As he sniffed the air, Jack’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you said we had the place to ourselves.”

“We… do,” Kei tensed.

Jack sniffed again, and cocked his head to one side. “Not for long.”

No sooner had the words left his mouth then they heard the dull bang of gunfire outside. A moment later, a whole coterie of suited men barreled through the door, pointing a very large number of guns in their faces.

“Hands where I can see them!” The intruder’s voice came out muffled, and through the steam, Kei finally made out the fact that all of their faces were covered with white and red fox masks.

The Tea Party complied, but not without complaint. “Unless Jack’s got a knife up his ass, do you really think we could be hiding anything?” Kei did a half-decent job at feigning calm.

“The one fucking day I forget my ass-blade.”

“Hey, I don’t blame ‘em,” Bacchae chimed in. “In this town, ya never fuckin’ know. I mean, shit, I’m armed right now.”

“Don’t move!” One of the men shouted, aiming his machine gun directly at Bacchae’s smug expression.

Despite the warning, he continued to reach behind his back. He stood and revealed that in his hand he held… nothing, just his fingers in the shape of a gun.

The fox-masked assailants looked at each other, then back at Bacchae.

“Put your damn finger away,” one of them growled, taking a step around the bath to approach. “We’re not here to joke around.”

“You think I am?” Bacchae laughed. “Wait, you think I am? No, no, no. I’m being entirely serious. My finger is a weapon of mass-destruction.” He winked at Kei.

“Shimamura, go shut him up,” the man with the biggest gun commanded, and the man who was already halfway around the pool started towards him again.

“You really wanna try me, huh?” Bacchae asked, and Shimamura paused as he saw his expression. Despite the fact that the room’s temperature had dropped by about three degrees, Shimamura’s mask was slipping down just a bit from his sweat.

But suddenly, he straightened and took another few steps forward. “Nah, you’re bluffing.”

“You think?”

“Of course I do! All you’re doing is pointing your fuckin’ finger in my fac—”

Bang!

Against the highly acoustic tile, the boom of the gunshot rang through their heads. Jack just about dived under the water from the sheer force of it. This sound was very quickly followed by the slightly quieter thump of Shimamura’s body hitting the floor.

The white tile and the masks of the intruders were both splattered with red. For a solid minute, everybody looked down in shock. Everybody except Bacchae, who brought his still extended index finger to his mouth, and blew on it.

“Anybody else wanna try?” he asked, his voice echoing in the sudden silence. And nobody did, at least not until Kimiko’s men got there a minute later.

The masked men submitted themselves quietly, and Bacchae waved at them as they were led away.

“Kei! Are you alright?” her kimono fluttering behind her, Kimiko burst into the room, embracing her friend with all six of her arms.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, as Kimiko promptly wrapped her in a floral-patterned towel. “I think you should be more concerned about the dead guy in the corner.”

Briefly, she glanced over at the fox mask, and grimaced, before turning back to the Tea Party and bowing deeply. “My sincerest apologies,” she looked down at the ground. “I never thought that our enemies would dare attack the Umi no Shinju.”

“It was no sweat,” Bacchae waved her off, looking a little uncomfortable by the level of formality. “But, uh, just who were those guys?”

“Members of the Kita family,” she admitted without hesitation. “Though the Yamashita rule most of Akuma-cho, the Kita remain our biggest rivals. If we relax for but a moment, they may push us out entirely. Damn foxes.”

Even Kei was surprised to see her so impassioned.

On the other hand, Bacchae was growing very characteristically excited. “Hey Jack, we got anything on the ol’ schedule today?”

“Why the fuck are you asking me?”

“You’re right, that was stupid of me. Kei?”

She sighed deeply. “Fox hunting, I suppose you want me to say.”

“You’re goddamn right.”

“I don’t understand,” Kimiko was starting to look worried.

“Well, think of it this way,” Bacchae drawled. “It’s one thing for one of your bathhouses to get held up, right? But this one’s at the very heart of your empire. Not only that, but why specifically come after me? I didn’t even know who these fuckers were, but now I know them as the losers who thought they could fuck with me and win. And I wanna know why.”

Kimiko looked wildly out of her depth. Even if Kei had coached her a bit, she still had trouble comprehending the way Bacchae ran things. “Please, this is a simple spat between families. It would be highly dishonorable for you to get involved.”

Jack laughed, and Bacchae glanced down at her with a pitying smile. “Frankly, I don’t get a damn about your honor. I wanna know who the hell these guys think they are.”

“Very well,” Kimiko bowed again. “You have free reign of our territory to begin your search, though I cannot guarantee your safety in the rest of Akuma-cho.”

“Won’t need it,” Bacchae waved her off. “I’ve got the best guard dog in this half of the cosmos.”

Jack grinned broadly, but it fell off his face as Kei cleared her throat loudly. “That’s all fine and well there, cowboy, but maybe you should put some pants on first?”

Bacchae looked downwards for a moment. “Huh,” he shrugged. “Yeah, that might help.”

~~ o ~~

Akuma-cho was a bustling hub of activity. The fragrant smells of the various restaurants and street vendors forced their way into their nostrils, pretty ladies waved down from the balconies of a wide variety of brothels and tea houses, and more than one store window had a whole duck spinning on rotisserie wheels.

Kei and Jack had been here before, many times, in fact. In Bacchae’s absence, Akuma-cho had become one of the livelier parts of town. Malachi had effectively shut down the top of the hill to all but the richest, most pretentious cock-suckers, so the fun had to go elsewhere. The Distillery District had always been a mainstay, of course, but Akuma-cho was new, and happening, and offered many varied methods of debauchery.

But while Kei and Jack didn’t pay the surroundings much mind, Bacchae was like a kid in a candy store. He almost looked like a tourist, stopping to gawk at the most mundane of things. The two had to pull him away from two different geishas.

“You know,” Jack muttered, “I’m starting to wonder if there weren’t certain… ulterior motives at play when it comes to sticking our noses in this whole Yakuza business.”

Kei rolled her eyes. “Oh, what tipped you off?”

“Hey, listen,” somehow, Bacchae had managed to procure a stick of dango when they weren’t looking, and was now chewing thoughtfully on the tip. “I’ve never been to Akuma-cho. It kinda sprang up while I was taking my little power nap, so forgive me for wanting an excuse.”

Sighing, Kei prepared herself for a long haul. Even if Kimiko was here, Kei wasn’t always the biggest fan of this part of town. That all too familiar feeling of being out of place started to creep up on her again. That feeling that had finally seemed to be a less prominent part of her brain space recently. At least around here, she could tell what caused it. Though Discord’s broader population was certainly a strange mix of all sorts, here they were the ones who looked abnormal.

Akuma-cho was the home-base for the Yokai in the city, after all. There were people smaller than them, and much taller. They had animal features, some of them, ears and tails and wings, skin in all shades of the rainbow. There were even some typically inanimate objects that were very much not.

It made Kei uncomfortable to be so different. But Bacchae seemed to revel in it. She couldn’t tell if it was because he wasn’t the weirdest looking guy around or because he just liked standing out in a crowd. Jack was similarly irritable, but he usually hated crowds anyway. Unless he was shitfaced, then he loved them.

“So, are we planning on doing any actual investigating, or are we just sight-seeing?” Kei asked.

Bacchae blinked at her, his mouth full of dango. “What are you talking about?” he swallowed loudly. “That’s what we’ve been doing.”

“Hate to break it to ya, brother. Don’t think the geisha are gonna know anything.”

“Well, I mean, they certainly know some things.” He elbowed Jack, then cleared his throat when neither he nor Kei looked amused. “Look, I’ll just show you.”

Abruptly, he started walking off into a nearby alley. Kei and Jack shared an exasperated look and followed after.

The alleys in Akuma-cho tended to be a little wider than most in Discord, though since Discord didn’t really have much in the way of streets besides the trolley tracks, it was sometimes a little hard to tell the difference. Overall, though, there were a lot more entrances to apartments and back alley businesses than was normal. Bacchae’s eyes briefly drifted over to a large awning, behind which flickered the open entrance to a mahjong parlor.

“Please don’t tell me you led us back here to play mahjong,” Kei sighed.

“Would that I could, but alas that game’s… way too fucking complicated for me,” he looked disappointed in himself. “Or maybe I’m just always too shit-faced to get it.”

“The original’s alright,” Jack opined suddenly, “but as soon as you start gettin’ into Riichi everything starts breakin’ down. Ya gotta get a fucking chart just to figure out all the scoring, or maybe a couple. ‘S jes not worth it at that point.”

“You know, I really hate it when he suddenly starts sounding intelligent,” Kei shivered. “Why do you know how to play mahjong?”

Jack just shrugged. “Got bored. Was never really very good at it though, and after a while nobody’d sit down with me anymore. They didn’t like what happened when I lost.”

Kei was way beyond reacting when he grinned like that. “That’s more like it.”

The two of them were so concerned with bitching at each other that neither of them noticed Bacchae was no longer listening. He was watching the way they’d come from, and when he finally saw what he was waiting for, he turned back to them and put an arm around each of their shoulders. “Good job stalling long enough for them to notice we’re conspicuously alone in an empty alley, but now we might wanna duck.”

He forced them both down to the ground as something soared over their heads. Kei and Jack blinked in astonishment as someone in dark, tight-fitting robes landed in front of them, hands balled into fists. On his face was another white and red fox mask.

“Are they sending fucking ninjas after us now?” Jack asked incredulously.

“I mean, considering that he hasn’t been particularly stealthy and there’s like, ten of his buddies behind us, I think he’s just a standard martial artist, but what do I really know?” Bacchae shrugged before stepping aside, letting a kick go right past where he head had just been.

“Aw, bloody hell,” Jack pulled his switch blade out of his pocket. Kei proceeded to do what she did best in a fight, and got the fuck out of the way, dragging Bacchae with her.

“Jeez, I feel kinda bad leaving Jack to take on like, ten fucking dudes, but he can probably handle it.”

They crouched behind a crate, but Bacchae was surprised when Kei glared at him. “I didn’t pull you back here to hide. I wanted to get you out of the line of fire, so you can do that thing from earlier.”

“That… thing?”

“You know, the thing,” she shaped her fingers into a gun to demonstrate.

“Oh! That thing. What, you think I can just do that whenever I want?”

“Yes…?”

“If I could just kill people by pointing at them do you think I’d be satisfied running this shithole? No, I had help!”

“What kind of help?”

“The kind that’s not here right now.”

“So what, we just leave Jack to fend for himself?”

Bacchae peeked over the crate. “I mean, for what it’s worth, I’d say he’s doin’ alright.”

“No thanks to you lot,” Jack called back, before jamming his knife into one of his attacker’s guts. “Though they’re actually makin’ it easy on me by going one at a time.”

“Why are they doing that?” Kei mumbled.

“Dunno. Maybe it’s an honor thing,” Bacchae shrugged.

“It’s bloody well stupid, is what it is!” Jack dodged past an extended fist and landed his own kick into the thug’s side.

Two of the remaining men in the back looked at each other as if to ask: “Why are we doing it like this?” And ran up to join their third companion.

“Aw, fuck!” Jack spat.

He threw a few more punches, swung a few times with the switch blade, but the remaining four to five highly trained martial artists proved too much for one (1) slightly tough freak who just mostly liked the bleeding part of the whole fighting thing.

Kei tried to stand. She had no idea what she would actually do, but she couldn’t just sit there and watch Jack get the snot kicked out of him, even if he was a greasy little creep. But Bacchae stopped her.

“Just wait,” he whispered. “Jack knows what he’s doing.”

One of the thugs whacked him on the back of the neck, and he went down like a wet sack of sand.

“Which is?”

“Giving us a chance to get the fuck out of here.” Bacchae glanced over at the edge of the alley and snapped his fingers. All at once all five of the remaining thugs’ heads shot up as from right where Bacchae was looking came a resounding cry of “Sayonara, idiots!” and two figures ran around the corner and out of sight.

Four of them immediately took off, and the other hoisted the unconscious Jack over his shoulders and followed behind.

“Was that… supposed to be us?”

“Yeah, pretty cool, right?”

“Sure, sure yeah. One problem.”

“What’s that?”

“My tits aren’t that big and you know it.”

Part II

Jack’s head hurt. Which was funny, considering that they’d hit his neck to knock him out. He’d expected that, had left the back of his neck exposed just for that very purpose. But he hadn’t expected it to radiate all the way up into his brain. Typical, he supposed.

Subtly, he sniffed the air, trying to gather as much information about where he was before his captors knew he was awake. His nose hadn’t always been this good, but he tried not to think about things like that anymore. It came in handy at times like this, anyway.

The space he was in was dry and dusty. Above ground, he thought, as it lacked the smell of mold and damp. There was one person in the room with him, most likely. Inevitably, they were waiting for him to wake up. They seemed anxious, as he noticed the soft, repetitive swoosh of their leg bouncing up and down.

Alright, that was enough of that. Jack opened his eyes and blinked a few times. The few shafts of light glistening through knots in the walls were exacerbating his headache. The rest of the room was so dark in comparison, however, that it was difficult to make out much of anything about it.

The other person he’d sensed was sitting on a wooden chair by the far wall. They were indeed bouncing their leg, but it was impossible to tell whether it was truly from anxiety, or maybe impatience, as he was wearing—of course—yet another fox mask.

“You Kita bastards really love those masks, eh?” Jack’s voice came out rough and hoarse.

The fox’s leg stopped bouncing as soon as he heard him. “If you saw our faces, you would simply hunt us down.”

“No need,” Jack laughed. “You’re already right here.”

“You have a smart mouth for someone tied to a chair.”

Ahh, that’s right. He hadn’t really paid it much mind, but it seemed he’d been shoved onto a very uncomfortable wooden seat, rope digging into his wrists from how tightly they’d been tied. Well, this was somewhat novel for him, he supposed. He wasn’t usually on this side of the torture table.

Because that was definitely what was happening here. The fox stood and grabbed a very long, thin knife from where it was hanging on the wall. “Have you ever heard of lingchi?” he asked, testing the knife’s edge.

“Can’t say that I have,” Jack drawled. This was a good start. Textbook, but effective. The fox was about to describe exactly what he was going to do to Jack, no doubt in excruciating detail. That made it hurt more. If it even got that far. The anticipation was often worse than the torture itself, and for the more squeamish, a victim would often break before you even got to lay a finger on them. Jack hated when that happened, so he usually kept it vague.

“It means ‘death by one thousand cuts,” the fox explained. “I will start slowly, perhaps cutting chunks of fat or muscle from your shoulders, your legs. Then I will move on to your extremities, like your fingers and toes.”

“Fascinating. Mind if I take notes?”

“Next will come your genitalia, and then your nose,” the fox continued. He clearly had this whole speech planned out, and didn’t intend to be interrupted. Which was a damn shame. Made it feel like his heart wasn’t in it. “This entire process should take about five hours, at which point I will begin taking more important things.”

Jack shook his head. “Now wait just a bleedin’ minute there, mate. If we’re going in order of importance, you best save my cock and balls for last.”

“You will live without them. Your fellow mutts do it all the time.”

There it was! Took him a minute to warm up, but there was the banter Jack had been missing. A little stiff, maybe. Low hanging fruit, definitely. But easily work-shop-able.

“Honestly, I’d rather you go for my eyeballs or something first.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Those go last.”

Laying it on a bit thick, in Jack’s opinion. “Alright, mate,” he yawned, “that’s all fine and well, but you’ve forgotten one thing: what’s your motivation?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, usually if you’re going to spend, what, eight bloody hours slowly cutting a bloke limb from limb, you tend to want something from him, right? Either that, or you really hate his fucking guts. So, I suppose, what I’m trying to say is: do I got a way out of this?”

“Absolutely none.”

Hmm. Curious. But he imagined there must have been quite a number of people who wanted him dead. “Well, alright brother. S’pose you’d best get started, or I might fall asleep before you get anywhere. I’ve got this terrible bloody headache, you see.”

“You want to say that again?”

Ah, this one had a temper. He hadn’t been impressed up until now, but that was simply the nail in the coffin, and Jack really didn’t like thinking about those. A torturer couldn’t afford to get angry. It made them seem too human, made the victim think they could negotiate. Bad for business, the balance of power was all wrong.

“Yeah,” Jack grinned. “I said that I might fucking fall asleep if you keep chin wagging like that.”

The fox grabbed him by the collar, his mask an inch away. “Maybe I’ll start with your tongue,” he growled. But that was exactly what Jack had been waiting for. Before the fox had any time to react, he reared back and head-butted him. There was a hard crack as his forehead met the mask, but it looked like the pressure had been enough, as the fox staggered backwards.

This gave Jack enough space to stand and reveal that his wrists were no longer tied. It was a good thing the fox had been such a jabberer, as he’d given Jack more than enough time to pick the thin rope apart with his somewhat jagged fingernails.

Without a care in the world, Jack snatched the knife from the fox’s hand by grabbing the bladed end and cackled as he watched the man’s body language shift from confusion to horror.

“Ya know, mate,” Jack remarked casually, wiping his own blood off the knife with his coat sleeve. “You’re not very good at this.”

The man tried to scramble up and away, but Jack slammed his foot down on his knee, the steel toe cracking right through the bone. He twisted a little, really rubbing those fragments of kneecap in.

Jack grabbed him under the arms and threw him into the chair that he himself had just sat in. “I mean, you’ve got the basics down, but it’s all very textbook, innit? Plus, you smacked your gob too long, made it seem like you was hesitating.”

The fox was incoherent now, babbling about something or other. Jack lifted his chin so he was forced to look at him. “Well, don’t worry, mate. I’m about to give you a crash course.

“Now, you might have your fancy little technique, but it don’t mean shit if the vic doesn’t get a little taster. That’s why I just crushed your kneecap. Because now you understand that that is just a fraction of what I’m about to do to you.”

“Wait!” the fox whimpered. “Don’t you want to know who we are, or why we’ve come after you?”

Jack just laughed. “If that’s your trump card, then I shouldn’t have been the one you snatched. I don’t give a fucking fig about any of that. I just wanna see you bleed.”

The fox shuddered. That was good. Jack had always been a very hands-on sort of teacher. He’d gotten a bit rusty over the years, but it looked like he hadn’t lost it quite yet. It seemed his pupil was easily grasping the lesson.

“Now, as it turns out, I’ve got a pretty fancy technique of my own,” as he said this, he ran the knife slowly across the man’s shoulder, only just barely cutting it open. This was a very sharp knife. At least he’d gotten that part right. Though Jack wished he also had a duller one for the rough and dirty work. “It’s called: I break your face in. Here, lemme show you how it’s done.”

With a last swish he completed the cut, and the fox winced. Then, using the still bloody knife tip, he lifted up the mask on the fox’s face. Upon seeing Jack’s face entirely unfiltered, the fox simply passed out.

Said horrifying visage fell. That was disappointing. Oh well, he had ways of waking him back up. But wait. Something was wrong. Narrowing his eyes, Jack sniffed the air.

“Hold on…” he muttered. “You’re not a fox at all…”

~ o ~

After their attackers had vacated the alley, dragging Jack with them, Kei and Bacchae slunk off, trying to get out of the open as quickly as possible. Of course, the place Bacchae led them to happened to be an opium den.

“This is a terrible place to hide,” Kei said, coughing, “If they’re looking for you, this’ll be one of the first places they check.”

“Yeah, but they’ll never find me with all this smoke.” He tapped his forehead with his finger and grinned at her like he was incredibly proud of his intellectual prowess. Kei rolled her eyes. Yet they were already here; there was no point in going back outside. So she didn’t complain.

“A private room for me and the lady, please,” Bacchae threw a small sack of bones onto the front counter, and the very long neck of the individual behind it wobbled as he took a look inside. Satisfied, he gestured them to follow, bending down to avoid a crossbeam that must have been eight feet off the ground at least.

They trailed behind him through a lounge area, the patrons of the den sprawled on couches, futons, and some even laying on the floor. Each held a pipe or similar instrument of inhalation, and the top half of the room was so hazy that it was hard to make out any other details at all.

Kei stepped over someone tangled up in a yukata right under her feet. They looked like they’d been here far too long, and Kei’s nose crinkled from the smell. But they passed quickly by and into a small, dark hallway. The attendant knocked on the door at the very end and, having not received any response, opened it.

It looked like a fairly normal—if heavily used—sitting room, with two worn settees on one side and a round wooden table on the other. On it several long pipes with bulbs on the end had been meticulously placed around an oil lamp and a jar full of round beads. There were more modern methods to heat the opium, but Kei was sure Bacchae probably appreciated the old school nature. He was weird about his drugs like that. The only problem was that the room reeked with the almost overpowering smell of hazelnuts… or maybe cooked marshmallows? Whatever it was, it was very sweet and very a lot. Kei prayed that she’d eventually stop smelling it.

The attendant bowed and closed the door behind them. Bacchae immediately made for the table and went for a pipe.

“Is this really the time for that?” Kei intoned, though she was sure she probably already knew the answer. “I mean, we’ve gotta figure out what these fuckers want and now where they’re keeping Jack, right?”

“I think better like this,” Bacchae insisted, placing one of the small beads in the tip of the pipe and holding it sideways over the lamp. “And besides, you’re sober.”

Of course. Really, he expected her to do it all for him. In all honesty, he probably wouldn’t be much help even if he was stone cold anyway.

Sighing, Kei plopped down on the cracked leather sofa. “Well, it’s not like we have much to go off of. We don’t even know what any of their faces really look like.”

“Real dramatic, ain’t they?” Bacchae flopped down beside her. She was so deep in thought that she barely noticed him snaking his free hand around her shoulder.

“Well, that’s the thing,” she frowned. “The Yakuza groups usually take themselves a lot more seriously than that.”

“I guess it’s a bit on the nose, the family of foxes wearing fox masks. But we know who they are without knowing who they are, right? Makes sense to me if they wanted us to know who’s responsible.”

“Maybe…”

They sat in silence for a minute, the only sound the quiet inhale whenever Bacchae took a puff from the pipe. But when he was involved, silence could only be maintained for so long.

“Wow, this one’s really stumped you, huh?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What, you think I plan everything I do in five seconds? I’m not like you, I can’t just… come up with all the answers off the top of my head.”

He just giggled. “What, you think I plan?”

“You know what, that was stupid of me. Now, let me think…”

“Well, wouldja mind thinking out loud? I’m gettin’ antsy.”

“You are a child, you know that?”

“And? Your point?”

She just sighed. “Fine. I was just trying to recall what I actually know about the Kita family. It’s not much since I have unfortunately kind of taken sides already, but from what I do know this is just… weird.”

“I mean, no shit. They kinda sent martial artists after us in a back alley.”

“But that’s exactly what I mean,” Kei folded her legs against her chest. “There’s a reason they’re the number two family in Akuma-cho, and that’s because they’re way less ballsy than the Yamashita. They don’t like taking many risks, at the very least.”

“Explains the fox masks.”

“But really, that doesn’t make sense either. Again, unlike the Yamashitas, the entire Kita family is made up of Kitsune. It’s kind of a requisite to join. If you can change your face at will, then why wear a mask?”

“To make a statement?”

“That’s the only reason I can think of.”

Bacchae for once almost looked thoughtful as he exhaled the thick smoke. “I mean, the Tea Party has kinda gotten in bed with the Yamashitas.”

“You wish,” Kei scoffed.

“Hey, a man can dream, right? But anyway, that might be why they’re targeting us specifically, you know, trying to break up the powwow.”

“That makes no sense,” Kei shook her head. “If that was the case, they’d go after the Yamashitas, not us. All they’re doing is making us into enemies, not friends...”

Kei fell silent. After a minute, Bacchae looked down and saw that she was thinking very hard about something. Her lips were pursed together, and she stared intently at a spot on the wall.

“What are ya thinkin’?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing,” she breathed in suddenly, and waved him off. “I’m just getting too deep into it, I’m sure. Overthinking it.”

Bacchae’s eyes narrowed, and in response, Kei stood and walked a few steps away, her back turned to him.

“In all honesty,” she insisted, “you’re probably right.”

“Bullshit.”

When Kei turned around, her breath caught in her throat. In the few seconds she’d been regaining her composure, Bacchae’s demeanor has changed entirely. He still sat casually on the couch, but now, even though his head was tilted downwards, his eyes glowed very brightly, even behind his hair.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kei said, a little weakly.

He laughed, a grating, unnerving sound that made her hair stand on end. “Of course you’re gonna try to play dumb,” he drawled, standing slowly. “But you just figured it out, didn’t you?”

“What on earth makes you think that?” she scoffed, standing straighter.

“You must think I’m really stupid, huh?” he was smiling, but it was wildly unpleasant, and didn’t reach his eyes. He took a step towards her, and she took a step back. “And maybe I am, but I can tell when someone’s lying to me. Especially you.”

She was nearly against the wall now, and he pressed her into it, his arm above her head keeping her in place. “You do remember what I can do to you, Kei.”

If he was trying to scare her, it wasn’t working. “You won’t,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Oh?” he tilted his head, looking directly down at her. “Who’s to say that we can’t go for round two in the labyrinth?”

“I’m hurt,” she mock-pouted. “I thought we were past all that.”

He leaned in closer. “I thought we were too. But I’m down to clown if you are.”

“I don’t think so.” Kei managed a small smirk. “Because you really need what I know, and if you dump me in the labyrinth again, I will never tell you.”

“Why should I care?”

“For shame,” she clicked her tongue. “I can’t believe you already forgot about poor Jack. I’m telling.”

She got him. His face dropped. He wasn’t giddy anymore, just angry.

“Alright then, Kei. What do you want? I might be willing to make a deal, but if I don’t like it, just know that I’ve got other ways of getting my damn dog back.”

She smiled, though underneath she still felt herself just about dangling off a cliff. She was going to have to be very careful about this.

“I’m more than willing to tell you what I know, but you have to promise me one thing first…”

~ o ~

Kimiko seemed surprised that they contacted her for a meeting so soon. It had been less than one day since the first attack in the bathhouse. But of course, being the gracious hostess that she was, she suggested her own home for the location. Just as Kei was hoping she would.

And so, as the green and purple sky darkened ever so slightly, Kei and Bacchae approached the large gate at the front of the practical compound that made up her abode. It was located in a quiet part of Akuma-cho, one of the few places in the whole of Discord with trees. It was also right at the heart of Yamashita territory.

As they approached, the gate slid open silently. On the other side, Kimiko waited with several attendants. With her flowing kimono and severe posture, she looked rather like a queen. No doubt she was trying to impress Bacchae. Clearly, she still didn’t know how he ticked all that well yet.

They followed her across the meticulously raked rock garden and over to the main house. Kei saw Bacchae’s gaze drifting towards all the lines in the sand and grabbed him before he could follow through on his intrusive thought to utterly wreck them.

“Should we talk by the pond?” Kei suggested as Kimiko made to head inside. “It’s such a nice evening.”

Kimiko’s expression was unreadable. “By all means, follow me.”

They continued through the main entrance, a rather simple affair done in the traditional Akumite style with its minimal decoration and tatami floors. But then she led them straight through a paper door and out to the back courtyard. The house surrounded it on three sides, yet it was still spacious enough to contain a small pond (aside which a willow tree drooped into the water), a well-maintained flower garden, and a shed which most likely contained tools for said garden.

Kimiko sat gracefully down on a marble bench overlooking the pond. Kei and Bacchae stayed standing.

“So,” Kimiko prompted. “What exactly was it you had come to discuss?”

Bacchae strolled off a few paces towards the pond. “Oh, only the identity of who’s been after us and what they want.”

“Who?” Kimiko looked surprised. “I thought the identity of the assailants was fairly obvious.”

“That’s what we thought too,” Kei muttered.

“You know, with the really obvious fox masks and all.”

Kei shot him a glare, but either he hadn’t noticed or was pretending not to. “But I think we may have been mistaken.”

“And what makes you say that?” Kimiko stared down at her hands in her lap.

“Well, there were just a couple of things that were weird about the whole thing,” Kei admitted. “The use of masks despite the fact that Kitsune are faceshifters already, the fact that they attacked us in the first place, and that when we were attacked, it was exclusively within… Yamashita territory.”

Kimiko froze, but didn’t say anything.

“Cuz first of all,” Bacchae continued, seeing that she was going to make them spell it out. “It doesn’t make sense for the Kita to target the Tea Party. If they were upset that we were cozying up to you, they’d try to take the Yamashita down instead. Cuz now they’ve closed the door entirely to taking your place. Right in my fucking face, I might add. So it makes no sense that they would do something so stupid.”

He started pacing. By now Kei could tell the difference between when he was actually agitated or when he was just trying to make someone else nervous. Right now was definitely the latter.

“However,” he continued. “There is one person who benefits from making the Kita my enemy. One person who is probably pretty anxious to solidify our connection.”

“Who?” Kimiko managed.

Bacchae chuckled to himself. “You’ve got a great poker face, Kimiko, but let’s cut the shit. Where’s my fucking dog?”

She blinked. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Are you accusing me of something?”

“Yeah, sicking people with fox masks on us and stealing my dog.”

“Kimiko,” Kei sighed. “Don’t play dumb. We know it was you.”

“I’m appalled you’d even suggest such a scheme,” she scoffed. “And also a little hurt. I thought we were friends, Kei! Why would I ever want to hurt you?”

“That’s the part that confused me the most,” Kei admitted. “It ended up being the perfect ploy, if it had been on purpose.”

Kimiko’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Because the thing is, you didn’t attack me. At least, not on purpose. When they came after us in the bathhouse, they only went for the men’s bath. If I hadn’t snuck in there, I would have been left alone entirely. Which I appreciate.”

“I…” Kimiko’s eyes widened. “While that may be true, perhaps had you not been in the men’s bath, they would have come for you next? Ultimately, you don’t have any proof.”

“You’re… not wrong,” Kei sighed. “But, please, don’t draw this out any more than we need t—”

“Huh, that’s weird. This shed’s unlocked.”

While the two women had been talking, Bacchae had slunk off to the small garden shed towards the back of the courtyard.

Kimiko stood suddenly. “I… I ask that you not touch that.”

“Why not?” Bacchae grinned. “Is there something in there you don’t want me to see?”

Even though he asked the question, he didn’t let her respond. Instead, he simply slid open the door and peeked inside.

“What took you so bloody long?” asked a voice from inside, and Kei ran up as she recognized it. Of course, there was Jack, lounging in a chair with his feet resting on an unconscious man, picking something out of his teeth with a knife and absolutely covered in blood.

“Sorry, dude. Had to take a pit stop in an opium den first. You know, while I was in town.”

“’S alright. Found the key on this idiot,” he pointed down to the lump of human agony at his feet, “and I almost left, but I figured I’d finish up first.”

Coming up beside Kei, Kimiko’s face turned an unpleasant shade of green.

“Well, Yamashita-sama,” Bacchae grinned mockingly. “I’d say that counts as proof enough.”

The green shade only intensified. “I… I suppose it does. You’re right, my lord. I was the one responsible. Everything you said was entirely correct.” She bowed deeply before him. “Please mete out whatever punishment you deem appropriate.”

Though she waited, nothing happened.

Bacchae only sighed. “Would that I fucking could,” he grimaced. “There are so many wonderful tortures that I would love to put you through. But you’re one lucky bitch with some real good friends.”

“Pardon?” she raised her head slightly.

“As much as I’d like to tango with you, I’m not allowed. I made a promise that I wouldn’t lay a finger on you.”

Kimiko’s mouth opened as she glanced over at Kei, who shrugged sheepishly.

“Just remember this,” Bacchae leaned down, turning her chin to look at him. “I like you. You’ve got some real balls behind all the greasepaint. But if you ever try to pull a stunt like this ever again, I’ll string you up like the filthy little spider you are. Capiche?”

She nodded.

Bacchae let her go, standing abruptly. “Alright then, I think we’re done here. Kei?”

“I’d say so, yeah.”

“Awesome. Autobots, roll out!”

“I’ve got not fuckin’ clue what that…” But Jack just sighed. “You know what, fuck it.”

He followed Bacchae out of the courtyard, while Kei stayed behind, even if just for a moment.

“I…” Kimiko seemed at a loss for words. “Thank you…”

“Now we’re even,” Kei shrugged, as if Kimiko’s biggest offense had been calling her shoes ugly. “We still on for drinks on Friday?”

“Well, considering I’m not hung in the main square or rotting in the labyrinth right now, I’d say my schedule is pretty clear.”

Kimiko smiled. Kei smiled back.